As Tall As I'll Ever Be


This morning, while looking at my driver's license, I realized that there is virtually no chance I will ever be any taller than i am right now. I've heard that astronauts who spend a shit load of time in the space station will get taller because there is no gravity smashing down their joints or whatever. But due to some of my "lifestyle choices," I will probably never be an astronaut. And therefore, I will never be taller than I am right now. One might even note that the relentless force of gravity is slowly making me a tiny amount shorter with each waking second. One might also note (adding insult to injury) that I will almost certainly never be good friends with Manute Bol of the Washington Bullets.
Signed,
Matthew Hutchinson
159 lbs.
5' 11 and 3/4"

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