My Ink

Anyone who knows me knows that I am literally covered from head to toe in some pretty hardcore tats. Here's a list of them, and the inside story behind each piece of my pain canvas.

1. Peace Frog
I was dating this Russian chick, and we were in the middle of a messy break up. So I just threw a duffle bag of some shit into my Hyundai Sonata and made a beave line for Myrtle Beach. Pounded a couple Zimas and there I am crying like a baby in the chair. The peace frog tat was a way of saying "self, remember to chill."

2. Clown Beege
You know that dream where you're getting a beege from a clown? I had that dream so many times, I was finally just like, "what up? Let's put this on my fanny." The barbed wire squeezing his heart was my idea.

3. Stealth Bomber
I got this back when the Stealth Bomber first came out. This tat was just an easy way to cover up my clown beege tattoo.

4. Bluetooth Headset Face Tat
I don't use a bluetooth, but I like to talk to myself out loud at Barnes and Noble. This creates the illusion that someone is listening to me besides me.

5. Corn on the Cob
Corn on the cob is deliciouser than hell. So I decided to cover my entire right arm with corn on the cobs.

6. Popcorn
I did the left arm in popcorn to remind myself about the persistent threat of global warming.

7. Grover Cleveland's Non-consecutive Terms As President Represented By a Discontinuous Link of Chains Around My Calf
Only president to serve non-consecutive terms. Just a reminder to myself that anything is possible. This one looks good when I get all sweaty playing beach volleyball.

8. Space Shuttle Discovery
When I go shirtless, the visual twist is that the space shuttle is actually "taking off" downward into my waistband.

9. Fresh Can of Tennis Balls
I represented the smell of a fresh can of tennis balls with a tessellation of swans and swan droppings on the small of my back. I got sunburned real bad back there one time.

10. Face Tat of My Own Face Staring At You
Looks like you're outnumbered, bro.