Open Letter to the Guy Who Aimed a Laser Pointer at My 'Nads While I Sang The National Anthem
Not cool, bro. Reasons why not:
A. Lasers are for science, not for grab-assin'
B. Even though it's a weak laser, it can still do damage (read the pamphlet).
C. It fee-ohs buhney on my ween-oh.
D. Everybody thought it was cute how that kitten chased after the laser dot with his sharp baby claws. Everybody but me.
E. For reasons no doctor can explain, my crotch has the power to split light, like a prism. If hit by a strong light source in the wrong way, it could have exploded into rainbow shards.
F. You took away everything that I worked for. Everything.
G. Francis Scott Key was killed by a laser-guided missile. This incident only serves to open up a lot of unhealed wounds.