Open Letter to the Guy Who Aimed a Laser Pointer at My 'Nads While I Sang The National Anthem

Not cool, bro. Reasons why not:

A. Lasers are for science, not for grab-assin'
B. Even though it's a weak laser, it can still do damage (read the pamphlet).
C. It fee-ohs buhney on my ween-oh.
D. Everybody thought it was cute how that kitten chased after the laser dot with his sharp baby claws. Everybody but me.
E. For reasons no doctor can explain, my crotch has the power to split light, like a prism. If hit by a strong light source in the wrong way, it could have exploded into rainbow shards.
F. You took away everything that I worked for. Everything.
G. Francis Scott Key was killed by a laser-guided missile. This incident only serves to open up a lot of unhealed wounds.


NyckElodeon said...

Reason E: Is this a condition documented in the American Journal of Medicine?

If it ain't, you should try to a glob of calamine lotion in your codpiece, buddy. I'm talking a handful of that shiz.

F. Wahsington said...

This story might hit a little to close to home for PJ.

f. washington said...

Happy Birthday. I had ebay send you a mirrored codpiece for your birthday. I hope it fits.